Day 44: Jealousy

Jealousy
I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this post for a few weeks. In the beginning of all this, I kept mentioning friends, one specifically, who had gone through some hard times last year involving their kids. The testimony of Jon and Stephanie Bladine through that time was unbelievable to me. I could hear them speak God’s truth to each other and to others looking into their situation. I was watching God’s grace at work during a very hard time. I remember very clearly talking with a friend and expressing my desire to experience God’s grace like that. [I was also very quick to state that I never wished to go through anything like what they were going through.] I was a little jealous (maybe not the right word?) of the way God was holding Jon and Stephanie together. As I look back now, I can’t help but wonder if God was planting a desire in my heart so that when His will introduced leukemia into our family I wouldn’t wail and moan uncontrollably. (I do wail sometimes.) We have stated time and again that we didn’t want to go through this, but to be able to understand the grace of God like we do now is a special gift.

I realized today that Jon and I (and other Christian parents who are living with sick children) are learning about God in ways that some will never know until they reach heaven. We really are learning more and more about God just by living. I feel like He is pursuing us – yes, we are leaning on Him and crying out to Him, but He is teaching us so much about Himself while we just live life right now.

We’re thankful that God makes trials like this worthwhile.

No, I haven’t taken the tag off yet. And yes, that’s a crocheted crown!!!

Daily Update
Today we asked our oncologist here about how they feel about Ellie’s “odds” since she finished the last round much higher than we anticipated. Jon and I both feel like he is someone who would tell us if we were in trouble. He reiterated what our oncologists in Tennessee said – if Ellie had B-ALL and ended induction with those numbers, we would be in big trouble, but because she has T-ALL we will wait until consolidation before anyone starts to panic about the higher percentage of leukemia still present. It was good for us to hear this from multiple sources. We trust all of our oncologists, but there is always the temptation to think they’re just being positive.

Ellie has been happy and sweet today again. She actually took a nap this afternoon for the first time since we got here (I think). She slept for 2.5 hours. Her appetite is definitely tapering off, but she is still eating food, so that’s good.

Please Pray

• For Ellie’s diaper rash to continue to heal. I would love to see it gone before we leave tomorrow, but I feel like that would be a miracle. 🙂
• For a good day tomorrow. Ellie has a lumbar puncture with IT Methotrexate (chemo in the spine) tomorrow before we leave. This is always done under sedation.
• For God to get the glory.
• For remission by the end of this phase of chemo. This round is 56 days, but it could grow to more days if we have to wait for her numbers (platelets, hemoglobin, etc.) to come back up on day 29 before we continue.
• Praise the Lord for a good day today. Ellie was smiling and waving at everyone all day.